Prophecy in the News: May 2025

A tractor-trailer overturned in Texas spilling $800,000 in dimes on the highway. Witnesses initially got out of their cars to pick up as many of the free coins as possible. But soon the excitement turned to drudgery and the people left dejected saying, “This is hard!”

Meghan Markle gave an interview in which she explained why she calls Prince Harry “H”, and why he calls her “M”. The guessing is over and it is not what you think. It turns out she calls him “H” because his name is Harry and, well … you can guess the rest. This is seen as proof positive that Harry and Megan will never be interesting. In related news, President Trump negotiated a new trade agreement with Great Britain. The only counter demand from Brittan was that the US must keep Harry and Megan.

An Oklahoma tortoise missing for nine months was found in good health one hundred feet from its home. So, just how hard were they looking? The takeaway is … do not get lost in Oklahoma.

A Japanese woman by the name of Tomiko Itooka, who held the title of the world’s oldest woman, died at the age of 116. Her daily prayer of 31 years was finally answered. She was noted as kind and determined to the end. A UK woman by the name of Ethel Caterham, age 115, is now the oldest woman. When interviewed, Ethel referred to Tomiko as a “Quitter!” The last name “Itooka” is pronounced the same as in the phrase, “I-took-a dirt nap”. 

America and New Zealand are the only two industrialized nations in the world that allow drug companies to directly advertise to its citizens. And yet, Americans pay two to four times more for their drugs than does any other nation. Go figure?

A male woodpecker in Rockport, Mass. damaged over twenty cars during mating season. To make matters worse, it was caught pecking on a suspended license.

French’s is promoting what the NY Post has deemed the worst popsicle treat ever created. It’s French’s “Ketchup Popsicle”. That's right, a ketchup flavored popsicle made by a mustard manufacture. But while the NY Post has deemed it the worst treat ever, they obviously have not tasted an ice cream flavor made in Scotland. It’s called “Mayonnaise Ice Cream.” Now you can skip the grilled burger and go straight to dessert by simply opening the freezer and loading up the bun!

A New York food cart worker was caught by police catching pigeons using his bare hands. So that’s what gives NY food cart its distinct flavor! If that is not creepy enough, the man initially identified himself as Col. Sanders.

The late Pope Francis had requested that his remains be driven one last time around Vatican City in a brand new $42,000 white Dodge Ram pickup truck. Because he is a humbly man, he declined to use his customized Mercedes Benz valued at $300,000.

During the election of the new Pope, smoke was used to keep the public informed. Black smoke meant no Pope, White smoke meant a Pope was approved, Pink smoke meant it’s a girl. In related news, a town in Iowa became upset when their tap water came out pink. But they were relieved to find out it was only because their sewer rats were announcing they were having a girl.

In Ohio, a racoon with a meth pipe in its mouth was found in a car in a parking lot. The police report said that while the pipe was taken from the animal, “It immediately pulled out another one.” Then, pulled out another one! From where? Police found this entire scene unbelievable … that it was not happening in Florida.

A Wisconsin mom of two who had been missing since 1962 was found alive at the age of 82. When asked to explain herself, she simply shrugged her shoulders and said, “I was running a few errands?”

In an interview, Tom Cruise said he would be, "making action movies until he was 100 years old.” And the title of that movie will be, “Mission Incontinent”?

A recent medical study showed that chocolate can lower blood pressure just like a drug. However, to get a prescription you will need to contact Dr. Ferrero Rocher.

A climber had to be air lifted from a dormant volcano known as Mount Fuji due to altitude sickness. Rescuers were confused when they were called to rescue the same climber from the mountain four days later. When asked why he tried the climb a second time, he replied that he had left his phone on the mountain. Rescuers had to be refrained by local authorities when they attempted to throw the man ‘into’ the volcano.

Live video was released this month from China concerning an AI Robot. It was held upright by shoulder cables. A technician was testing to see if it would continually attempt to take a glass it was repeatedly offered, but pulled back at the last minute. The robot suddenly became furious at being teased and attacked the engineer. Fortunately, the suspension wires held the robot back and a second assistant hit the kill switch. In other news, the company announced it would soon be marketing robots that can be purchased to provide a variety of personal in-home services.

In related news, 79% of large AI systems experience what is termed as AI Hallucinations. This is when an AI system gives nonsensical information that appears creditable and factual, but is completely made up and false. Much like many of today’s on-line news media providers.

A recent report shows that old fashion names are coming back into vogue. In related news, so are the diseases they use to have.

The good news is that a Michigan woman just got her cat back after nine years. The bad news is, she had ‘just’ finished vacuuming the last of its hair out of her house.

Reports show that half of US parents are assisting their adult children to keep them financially afloat. The average spending is $1,500 per month per child. In related news 57% of graduating students say their ideal job would be as an ‘Influencer’.

In the upcoming Virginia Democratic primaries, a Democratic woman married to a Republican husband outed herself. She reported that she and her husband were swingers. The politically correct designation this week is, “ethically non-monogamous.” Political strategists explained that this is why Virginia is called a ‘Swing State’.

Weight Watchers, hoping not to declare bankruptcy, announced it will reorganize by dropping one billion dollars in assets. But odds are they will just gain it all back again.

A woman aboard the budget Ryanair Airlines gave birth in flight. She was surprised to see the airline assigned the newborn a “carry off” fee.

Putin held a private meeting with his top general this month to get a frank answer on how the war with Ukraine was going. The general said, “Honestly, it is not going well at all!” Then he quickly added, ”Don’t get up comrade, I will throw self out four story window!”